Jeffrey's Story: It Took an Earthquake

As I look back at the 60 years of my life, I can see that the hand of God was at work even during the times when His “still, small voice” seemed absolutely mute. I was born into an Adventist family headed by two polar opposites: a mother who was a strict legalist and a father who had lost interest in even pretending obedience. My personality nudged me to fall in step with my mother as I came to embrace the Sabbath, vegetarianism, tithing, modest dress codes, and the letter of the law. I never felt a desire to rebel against the church doctrines or moral stands. I was the first one to hold others’ coats while they threw stones since that complied with my marching orders in the Bible. My heart wasn’t always in line with the letter of the law. I would never think of killing anyone, but I could sure as veggie burger hate them! I was satisfied with myself and the religious rituals that earned my salvation. I could keep the law better than most.

God uses methods unique to each in order to draw us to Himself. Moses responded to the curiosity method with the burning bush. For me, the earthquake approach was far more effective. Moses was sold after just one burning bush. It took multiple earthquakes to turn my wagon around.

As soon as it was feasible, I said goodbye to life in South Dakota and headed for the warmer climate of Mississippi, where I enrolled in Bass Memorial Academy. It was during my sophomore year there that the first quake jolted my status quo. Our principal announced that the Supreme Court had sided with an Adventist employee in not allowing Xerox (or IBM) to fire him for refusing to work on the Sabbath. The principal said the Adventist Church would be changing its educational system’s objectives toward emphasizing “working for the Big Blues” (corporate America) rather than encouraging self-employment. This change would allow for the rank and file of Adventists to qualify for benefits such as retirement and insurance. This shook me to my core because all SDA South Dakotans knew that self-employment was the only way for true security in life that could not be dictated by the government.

The second jolt occurred when Bass Academy hired a new principal my junior year. It soon became common knowledge that he had a mistress and essentially no moral compass. He harshly disciplined minor infractions while overlooking co-ed sleeping arrangements in the dorms. I was so repulsed by his moral laxity that I tried to transfer to Rio Linda Academy in California or Shenandoah Valley Academy in Virginia. But the disparity in academic requirements between the states made that impossible. I struggled through to graduation at Bass Academy with my denominational flag in tatters.

The third jolt changed my life plans. I majored in theology at Southern Missionary College with the intent of doing mission work in Latin America. During the class on Pauline Epistles, a fellow theology student queried, “Can I know that I am saved while I am alive?” The professor spent the next twenty minutes dissembling. He drew a line that progressively climbed heavenward, explaining that at any point, sin could knock you off the path with descent back down to the starting point. This was the undisputed destiny of one who died while visiting a bar or, Heaven forbid, a whorehouse.

When he finally bottom-lined it, his conclusion was this: “No, you can’t know if you’re saved until the resurrection.” That struck a blow that reached my soul. Why was I studying to be a minister if salvation was an “uncertain” entity? I pondered Paul; he knew he was saved, as did the other apostles. Why did they know they “had a crown laid up for them” while as Seventh-day Adventists, we could only guess at our outcome? I changed my major. I would not be a preacher with nothing better than uncertainty to offer.

My new major was in education, still with the plan of serving in Latin America. When I graduated, I was offered a job in Florida and took it. Sadly, I came face to face with a problem very seldom spoken of, but prevalent, in Adventist educational circles: that of sexual molestation. A number of stories have been written about this problem, but it is not one that has ever been squarely faced. My observation has been that rather than following appropriate protocol with a faculty member guilty of sexual misconduct, the offender has more often been quietly moved to another location where the behavior can simply be repeated over and over again. The victims are rarely vindicated. After being confronted by these deplorable circumstances in Oklahoma, Florida, Mississippi, and Arizona, I finally left with a heavy heart. Any attempts at bringing justice to the victims and censure to the perpetrators met with personal threats and rebukes. This was not an environment where I felt that I could fulfill what God had put on my heart to accomplish for Him, so I moved on.

In 1981, I was able to find a solid job in Texas as a medical administrator. While the job setting couldn’t have been better, the church environment was less than stellar. There were constant splits over minutiae, and I was not being fed. It never occurred to me to attend a non-Adventist church, so I did what most disillusioned Adventists do; I quit attending church altogether. I was a paradox of opposites. My pay escalated to the point that I would have been considered wealthy, but spiritually I was bankrupt. Eventually, one of the three church splits seemed stable enough to attend, and I slid back into the pattern of paying tithe, believing myself to be keeping the law, and looking good measured against the spiritual ruler that served as my standard. So why did I feel so empty? I had a deep longing that felt like starvation. In desperation, I prayed, “God, I am a self-made man, yet I feel empty. My law-keeping does not fill the void. I know I am lost. Please teach me to trust in You. Please save me and assure me that I am saved.” I asked the Lord to awaken me at 3:00 AM each day and speak with me. Wonder of wonders, for six weeks He did. I bared my soul to Him, and He came close. This remained a secret time of prayer just between the two of us. I was fearful to share what was happening with my wife of 19 years since she was angry with God and refused to attend church.

Three months after the Lord began meeting with me in the early hours of the day, an acquaintance asked me to join him in a business venture involving Mexico. Some of the people associated with the business were Sunday-keeping Christians. I was “tricked” into attending a non-denominational service while at a weekend seminar. December 7, 1988, in the company of Sunday-keeping Christians, I saw for the first time that salvation is a free gift. Nothing I did could add to or earn that salvation. It was all given freely to all who would come to Jesus and accept Him as Savior. I normally would have never attended a seminar conducted by those I considered to be “heathens,” but God got around my prejudices and brought me to the cross. I was free for the first time in my life.

The Sabbath, which I now recognized as an idol to me, was not so easily toppled. The distinctly Adventist belief system had embedded itself into my flesh like a hook in a fish’s mouth. The falsehoods stood as strongholds that had to be dismantled one by one. At this critical juncture in my life, the real trials began. They read like a litany of woes glissading down from the mountaintop to the rubble at its foot. I was fired from an administrative position on August 9, 1989; almost died of starvation and kidney failure in June 1990; had my automobile repossessed in September 1990; my home repossessed in October 1992; had nine automobile accidents between April 1990 and December 1999; fractured my spine in January 2000; and finally discovered that my wife of 34 years had been having an affair with our neighbor for two years. How could life get any worse?

It was that final earthquake of having my wife leave that drove me to the Scriptures with no other commentary. I gave all of my Ellen G. White books away and decided to see if I could reconstruct my belief system without them. I still believed that by reading the Bible, I would learn that the law was a necessary ingredient of salvation. To my astonishment, one of the first things revealed to me was that the Adventist teaching of soul sleep is not in the Bible! Instead, I read, “But about the resurrection of the dead--have you not read what God said to you, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not the God of the dead but of the living." When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching. Matt 22:31-33 (NIV) And so was I. I bolted upright in bed and declared out loud, “OK God, I can no longer be an SDA.” I was convicted of the truth by this scripture, and it was all I needed to know that I had been taught multiple errors. As I continued to study, I found that Paul made it clear that if he died, he would leave his body and go directly to be with the Lord. My previous encounters with the Sunday church had already caused me to discover from the Bible that the Sabbath is not binding on Christians. Jesus entered His Rest when He died at the cross. We are to enter His rest now. That was two down, and the others followed suit. It still saddens me to look back at the 37 years it took for me to learn that salvation is a free gift. I had been trying to earn it for 51 years. I felt like a fool that such a simple truth had escaped me as I walked through the numbing blindness of Adventism. God was not worried. He knew that I would find the freedom He offered, and with patient grace, He directed my path to the foot of His cross. He is so gracious to have spared my life so I could learn in His timing that He had bought me with a price. My works (be they ever so worthless) will determine my reward, not my destiny.

I thank God that He caused me to cry out to be assured of my salvation. He faithfully did that, but He took me further. He cleaned up my messy life. He cleared me from dependence on works. Now I live at peace. I thank God daily for my food, shelter, and clothes, knowing that I am dependent on Him for all things physical and spiritual. I live in the peace of Christ, which I can no more explain than I can explain quantum physics, but it is more than enough. If not for the earthquakes, I could not have known the Kingdom under my feet that cannot be shaken. If not for the awareness of my utter emptiness, I could not have known to ask the Father to fill me. I thank God for what He has accomplished in my life. I am free from the worry that my salvation may evaporate before my eyes because of my weakness. I know and can say with certainty, “By His grace, I am saved.” Because of the earthquakes, I now know by experience how to trust in God. Praise the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost for all the overtime they’ve racked up in bringing me to this place!